Looking for Hope.

fear dog

Sleep is difficult and anxiety is high. Watching the door closing is bringing on a whole lot of nervousness as negative thoughts swirl in my mind. Business is waning. Although I said I wanted to give this part of my life up because of tiredness, the actual event of it happening is disturbing, nonetheless. Since when have my words been so efficacious ?

This door is closing and no other door has appeared. The craving for everything to maintain status quo, to survive, amid this wanted but still unaccepted change, is taking a toll on my psyche.

Right now, I think and feel I’m way below and under every single person on this planet. Failure seems to follow me wherever I go. I don’t want to care but yet, I can’t help but care that I’m a failure. I do not understand why after all these years, I am still unable to accept that I am a failure as evidences of failure have surfaced again and again. This ego is murdering me, at a turtle’s pace. It’s not a life and death situation and it is ruffling my feathers big time. What will happen when ultimately, I have to face death of those closest to me or myself?

What should I do? What can I possibly do ? Attempt to reopen this door again and save the waning business ? If it is dying naturally, surely this is the end of the road for me. Perhaps a new path, a new door, would appear when this road, this door, totally disappears. Hope is what I need now. Hope is what everyone needs now. Hope that this could be good, instead of bad. Hope that there are better and more fulfilling ways to earn a living. Hope that, perhaps, it is time I am able to embark on what I have dreamt of doing, but was not able to do.

be hopey

 

 

 

As Ajahn Brahm has said, be hopey. Good ? Bad ? Who knows ?

 

 

 

 

 

Why is it so easy to see the stars in the dark sky, but yet, so difficult to see the light in the dark life ?

 

night_sky-9030_0

Find the light……

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s