Are prayers a necessity of life ? For a long time now, I’ve stopped praying. I had set a target to perform a certain number of prayers per day. It started off well, I was meeting my target every day. However, as weeks went by, I slackened. So I bluffed myself by promising to make up the missing days on the days that I did pray. Soon, the missing days piled up and it was a real effort to attempt to make up on the missing number of prayers. What started off as an inspiration became a burden. Like a troubled engine, my prayer days spattered and sputtered until it went stone cold.
I think I had the wrong intentions for praying for that could be why I am not doing it consistently. I had expectations, expectations that the prayers were supposed to induce an improvement in my life. Yet, things didn’t seem to be changing and I am still where I am. Perhaps, things would be worse, had I not prayed ? Today, I feel my soul yearning to pray. Yet that yearning is faced with an obstruction of laziness. The body and brain are making excuses. By now you should be asking if life is worse off without prayers. I thought life was the same with prayers and thus, life would be the same without prayers, so why make the additional effort. The truth is, without prayers, life is worse on the outside and inside, manifested in slowing business, disorganisation and obstructions on the outside and turmoil, confusion and vulnerability respectively.
And so, with the intention of maintaining status quo, which I think is still the wrong intention, I have to pray. What would be the right intentions in praying ? What should one’s aim be when praying ? Also, I feel it is important to pray to protect myself against this person. Is it possible to pray a person out of one’s life ? What he says about other people treating me badly etc, is more true of him than the other, yet, he conveniently excluded himself from a parallel picture. The truth is I am quite sick and tired of all this. I am asking, “Let me go, to another world.”