I didn’t and I still don’t understand, how it is that I can have feelings from two extreme poles of the spectrum for the same person. I detested him, yet I also felt a connection that I had not felt with another. We could chat about many topics that I could not and to date, still cannot chat with others. Of course, both the negative and positive feelings did not exist simultaneously. It could not, I guess, otherwise, my sanity would have been compromised. However, I must say, upon his death, many a times, both extremities of feelings did for the shortest spans of times, coexist, which was why there was great turbulence in my mind. This experience taught me that love -hate relationships do exist. It’s probably better to choose not to participate in this type of relationship. In fact, let’s just give relationships a skip. I don’t think I can ever get involved in a relationship anymore.
I am particularly intrigued. How fickle feelings and emotions are. How conditional they are and how we can look at one object and feel differently towards it, in different situations and times. What we feel for another person, conditionally depends on how they treat us. Is that wrong ? What would happen if our feelings for the other stay constant, no matter how they treat us ? Is that unconditional love ? Wouldn’t that be compromising on your own needs and desire to be an independent person, physically and mentally ? Is saying yes to all the demands of another, unconditional love ? What in the world is unconditional love and how do we practice it ?
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